By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
