I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
