:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
