Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
