so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
