I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
