3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you would pick up someone in the library
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
