lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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