she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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