Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
