Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
