i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
