Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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