as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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