do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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