I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize