Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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