this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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