I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
