I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
