I think my vagina is haunted
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
