i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I deserve to be covered in dicks
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
