We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
