i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
