I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
