How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
