so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
