I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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