Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
