LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
