One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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