so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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