I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
