I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
