Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
