Kiss
Puke
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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