Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
