this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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