nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
