I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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