He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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