Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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