I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
