So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
