so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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