Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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