Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
