I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
