"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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