Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize