I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize