we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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