I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
FUCK WHALES
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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