i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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