Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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