So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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