Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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