i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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