i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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