The maid of honor just puked.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
