Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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