If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
