I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
