allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize