would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We just shotgunned beers for America
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
