dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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