Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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