Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So drunk its hurt
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
