I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
