Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
