i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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