He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize