3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
