You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
