who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
