the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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