I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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