i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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