I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
