as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
