Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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