She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
