forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
