ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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