When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
