i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
